I have been following the blog A Master and His slave for some time now. The slave in the relationship has just posted a well-written discussion on what it means to be trained, which I reproduce here. This is precisely how I believe a slave should behave, and what slave training amounts to.
My will, not yours.
"slave training is defined as "an activity usually involving a consensual power exchange between two people...that involves changing the slave's behavior in a manner that is pleasing to the Master or Mistress, perhaps instructing the slave to follow a set of rules. slave training is a process for both the slave/submissive and the Master/Dominant. training will usually be set out and defined clearly before it begins. the Master or Mistress will teach the slave how to speak, act and think in a way that is pleasing. the slave, in return, gets pleasure from being able to make their Master happy...or get some kind of reward like food, bed, etc" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master/slave_(BDSM)#Slave_training)
to me, there are two main purposes of slave training: the first is for a slave to prepare himself for the day that he meets his Master. by this, i mean that the unowned slave seeks out and learns the skills that he thinks will one day be useful to a Master. this involves an honest evaluation by the slave to assess his strengths and weaknesses. then, he should actively seek ways in which to round out his skills and learn things that a Master will find useful and attractive in property. don't know how to iron? learn. don't know how to boot black? learn. don't know how to process pain? learn. it's all about making yourself a complete and attractive package for a Master.
the second purpose of slave training is for an owned slave to learn his Master's preferences for the household. this usually starts from the moment you meet a potential Master, but kicks into full gear once collared. this includes everything from learning the Master's protocol for inside and outside the household, understanding His expectations, learning how to properly please Him sexually, and eventually learning His non-spoken preferences, such as His morning routine or how He prefers His laundry cleaned and folded.
there are three areas of focus that i have found training to effect: the mind, the body and the spirit.
mind: the mind is probably my biggest obstacle and the one i discuss the most on this blog. i tend to be over-analytical, somewhat rebellious and suffer from seasonal depression. therefore, it is an ongoing process for me to overcome my mind and get it properly focused on Master, as it should be. Master, too, has various training techniques that He uses to focus or distract my mind - some of which i am aware of, some of which i am not. hypnosis also comes into play here.
body: for many of Master's requirements, a healthy body is needed. not only do i want to be appealing to Him sexually, but i need to be able to handle the physical requirements of my position in His life. this includes doing the chores, walking the dog, lifting heavy items, carrying bags from the store, existing in pup mode, being healthy, having proper posture - not to mention being able to be twisted into whatever position He desires and withstanding whatever pain/pleasure/teasing He gives me.
spirit: a slave's spirit is defined by the need to serve and please his Master, the willingness to surrender and immerse into the role, the ability to adore and worship his Master appropriately and a passion for finding self definition and meaning through the power exchange relationship. Master also loves that i have a puppy heart, so i try to alway let that show - unconditional love and joy for everything He is.
within those areas of focus are specific duties and responsibilities that a Master requires. it is through the development of these specifics that a Master starts train a slave to understand what His needs and expectations are - which is, undoubtedly, a never ending process that will continue for as long as the relationship does. a slave will learn how to alter his outlook to accommodate his Master. he will learn how to put his Master's needs before that of his own and will learn to accept that his Master's will trumps that of his own. he will learn to be accountable for his behaviors and to accept the answers provided to him by his Master. he will come to understand the true meaning of unquestioning obedience and loving loyalty.
the Master, in turn, will learn how His slave responds and how to properly adapt His approach for maximum results. He will learn his slave's thought process, his strengths and weaknesses, and will come to understand how they match up with His own. He will learn how to prioritize and verbalize His needs. He will learn methods and techniques of psychologically guiding His property. He will accept the responsibility of truly owning another human being, understanding the true meaning of dominance by bonding His life with another.
the specific areas of focus are:
1. self-awareness and personal growth: without self-respect and self-realization, a slave can never fully surrender to a Master. a slave must understand his needs and wants before he can ever hope to find the Master he was born for, because he must have a respect for the validity of choices that have brought him to this point in his life. with slave training, a slave learns to let go of ego, but not self-worth. it is not about avoiding responsibility or intelligence - it's about learning how to best apply those things to please his Master.
a slave must understand his strengths as well as his flaws. he must be able to analyze his emotional well-being and balance it to properly attend to the expectations and needs of his Master. he must come to fully understand his center and authentic core and strive to remain there always.
2. service: pretty much everything a slave does is an aspect of service. this requires discipline, practice and perseverance. it is a slave's duty to be aware of his Master's comfort, familiarise himself with his Master's needs, His routines, His habits and His passions. then, a good slave must learn and respond to training designed to teach him how to best accommodate them.
3. obedience: obeying the rules that Master has set proves to Him that the slave trusts Him and is willing to live by his codes and values. it teaches the slave what is expected and that he is responsible for his actions in times of success and failure. it also shows a Master that his slave is trust worthy and can be depended on.
4. attitude and respect: every Master and slave household is based differently, but there is, none-the-less, always a hierarchy. a slave must treat his Master with respect. he must understand and honor the established hierarchy through speech, actions and demeanor. a slave should appropriately worship his Master, fully appreciating the amount of responsibility it takes for a Master to own a slave and respond to it in kind.
5. acceptance of discipline: discipline is truly a gift from Master meant to provide the slave clarity and focus. discipline produces gratitude, a reflective wisdom, a challenge for the future and a respect for the structure his Master has designed. it is a slave's responsibility to confess any and all disobedience with absolute honesty. it is a Master's responsibility to decide what behaviors need corrected and how to best do so. a slave must accept that discipline is a part of his life and is to be administered as often as necessary to accomplish a change of unacceptable behaviors.
6. sexuality: a slave does not determine any facet of his sexuality. in the eyes of his Master, his sexual drive is no more or less important than any other task a slave is assigned. failure to perform appropriately is a sign of disrespect and disobedience. a slave must always strive to please without regard to his own pleasure - sexual release is a reward for good behavior.
this is slave training as i have come to understand and as Master has defined for me. i am sure that a few details may vary when comparing Master's household to other households, but overall, i feel this is the solid foundation of what it means to train a slave in the realistic contexts of a Master/slave relationship."
and
"there have always been certain aspects of the concept of slave training that have not sat comfortably with me. the longer i live as a slave, the more i understand that there are myths regarding slave training that have come about by fantasy and porn, instead of fact. here are a few slave training myths that i have been pondering lately:
"there is a magical slave training threshold that one must cross before they can all themselves a slave"
when i was coming to grips with my slavehood, i wanted to understand everything i could about it. i thought that slaves were silent, gimp-like creatures that existed in the background shadows of a Master's home. they are void of personality, feelings, individual thought and simply exist as a piece of property. i wanted to know how to get to that point. how does one let go of the human aspects and conflicts that have been instilled into us throughout our lives? when does one cease being an individual and become a slave? what is the secret training involved in doing so and where can i find it?
i thought for sure that there was some training manual, some book that could inform me on how to be a slave. i thought that there must be a magical method that was passed down to Masters - specific steps in how to create a slave. i knew all the fantasies about submissives being shipped to training centers and returning perfectly obedient as a clean slate for their Masters and i wanted that to be my reality. only until i was trained and crossed that magical slave threshold would i ever be a true slave.
but you know what? that threshold doesn't exist. becoming a slave and living as a slave is a continual lifelong practice. i doubt i will ever reach the place where i am a vacant, blank slate for Master - and i doubt He'd ever fully want me to be. why? because slaves are not mindless doormats. slaves still have human feelings, passions, struggles and thoughts. we simply allow the feelings, passions, struggles and thoughts of our Master to come before that of our own.
but beyond that, as human beings, slaves too hold baggage. sometimes a lot of it. it is our job, as a slave, to continuously find ways to surrender ourselves and overcome that baggage, which is sometimes harder than it sounds. so a slave's training never ends. we are constantly evolving beings, as are our Master's needs and expectations, so there is no way we could ever be fully trained and done.
so, how does one know that they have finally reached the point of being a slave? only you can determine that. it is up to you to continuously find ways to overcome yourself for the sake of Another, even when you don't necessarily want to. it's up to you to learn the skills that you can apply to your current or future Master's life so that He is happier and more comfortable. it is up to you to know yourself well enough to determine whether you are ready or able to let Another's will and needs take precedence over your own.
so don't make the same mistake i did and seek out some kind of magical advice of training. simply seek the answers you need to understand yourself and the tools to apply it.
"any self-proclaimed Master can teach a slave all he needs to know about surrender"
i am using the phrasing of this myth from the book slavecraft, by a grateful slave and guy baldwin, because it states it far better than i would have. this is the myth that claims all Masters have the knowledge needed for a slave to learn to surrender and come into their own. i guess this myth is based around the concept that all Masters are wise, true and all knowing. anyone that has ever met potential Masters and Doms online, however, knows how very false that sentiment is. there are a lot of fakes out there who have no real interest in being responsible for a slave or embracing any sort of power exchange. these "doms" are just interested in sex and abuse, and disguise it under the label of "slave training." they may call themselves trainers or masters, but they most certainly are not. the only thing you'll learn from them is how to avoid their type in the future.
even with real and proven Masters, this is still a myth. because Master's are only human and Their knowledge is limited. not all Master's have the skills to train, nor the interest. let's face it, a Master simply wants what He wants when He wants it. patient ones will inform a slave how He likes certain things done and what expectations He has, but most don't care how it gets done, just that it does. in fact, i'd dare to say that the idea of slave training, for most Masters, means nothing more than issuing orders and rules, and following up with corrective punishment. it doesn't really touch on the internal processing. therefore, it is up to the slave to figure out how to get from point a to point b. that includes a lot of internal analysis that a slave must learn to confront and handle in order to surrender. a Master can't train you in that.
i am lucky to have a Master who is very curious about my psychology and inner workings. He has several tricks up His sleeve to help me regain focus and center myself. even then, however, it is just the tip of the iceburg of my submission. He doesn't really have an understanding of the deep passion of surrender and the subtle refinement needed to achieve it. He doesn't understand the incredible bliss i feel absorbing His frustrations through flogging, or the contentment i feel breathing in His scent. He doesn't know why i sometimes get slightly erect from doing His dishes or how it feels to surrender all thoughts to Him while in pup mode. and, to be honest, He shouldn't. He doesn't have the slave passion, so it's unreasonable to expect Him to fully understand it. He may have an intellectual appreciation for it, but certainly not the spiritual calling for it. therefore, it's unreasonable to expect Him to be able to train it.
an example used in the book slavecraft is pain processing. when Masters inflict pain upon Their slave - flogging, paddling, cbt, bondage, etc - They want us to deal with it in ways that permit and even encourage Them to continue until They choose to stop. how many Masters are going to have an honest understanding of how a slave deals with and processes that pain? not very many, especially since being a Master is all about comfort and having Your needs met - not being uncomfortable and dealing with pain. a slave learns to deal with things such as pain processing from sources other than a Master.
what's most troubling about this myth, to me, is that it encourages newbies and aspiring slaves to believe that we can't learn anything that is useful about surrender without first being selected by a Master for training. this is simply not true. the key to slave training is understanding yourself and seeking out others than can help you to understand yourself further. you need to have a deep understanding of how you, personally, react in specific situations and then need to seek out helpful tips on using your instincts and flaws for a Master's pleasure. talk to other slaves about their experiences. learn how they've overcome obstacles that they've encountered. read all you can about the M/s lifestyle, learn about its proud history and discuss it with those who are living it.
i'll finish by quoting slavecraft, which is basically my slave bible:
"it is the genius of Masters to take pleasure from using us in various ways as Their mood and needs dictate. it is the genius of slaves to recieve pleasure in being useful in the widest possible variety of ways. it is up to Masters to know what pleasures they want, not how we can deliver. that is our job...
...therefore, it is up to us to do the most we can to develop ourselves into the ultimate pleasure toys and tools for Them. i believe we owe this to Them. it is our slave capacity to provide pleasure and be otherwise useful that can earn us a place in Their worlds.""
http://themasterandhisslave.blogspot.com
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